Dating Advice
Reading People: Body
Language Briefing
By Chris
Coffman
Body language is the meaning behind the words or
the
“unspoken” language. Surprisingly, studies show that
only
up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication
is
verbal.
The majority of the rest of communication
is
unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket
science.
However, there are some generalizations or
basic
interpretations that can be applied to help with
the
understanding or translating of these unspoken
meanings.
Here are some basics below.
1. Smile
People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt
warm-fussy, maybe your favorite pet, and smile.
2. Eyes
If you don’t look someone in the eyes while
speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding
something. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of
focus/direction can translate similarly.
If more than one person is present in a
group,
look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning
to
face the next person and acknowledge him or her with
eye
contact as well. Continue on so that each person has
felt
your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with
one
person and moving clockwise around the group so that no
one
is missed, and so that you are not darting
around,
seemingly glaring at people.
3. Attention Span /
Attitude
Other people can tell what type attitude you have
by your
attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the
other
person and what is being said, and if your attention
span
wanders, this shows through and makes you
seem
disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring.
4. Attention Direction
If you sit or stand so that you are
blocking
another in the party, say someone is behind you, this
can
be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to
turn
so that everyone is included in the conversation or
angle
of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while
talking,
so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and
involved
in the conversation. Again some suggest the
clockwise
movement when working a group.
5. Arms Folded / Legs
Crossed
This can be seen as defensive or an end to
the
conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass
of
water, a business card or note taking instruments
while
communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note:
If
you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not
your
knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are
closed
to communications.
6. Head Shaking
If people are shaking their heads while you speak,
they are
in agreement. If they are shaking, “no,”
disagreement
reigns in their minds.
7. Space / Distance
On the whole, people like their own personal body
space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to
close can be
intrusive and viewed as aggressive. Leaning –
Sitting or
standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other
words, an
interested listener leans toward the speaker. Note
others’
body language – While you are with others, note how
their
bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across
his
chest and begins shaking his head “no,” you’ve
probably
lost him. Might try taking a step back and picking up
where
the conversation began this turn for the negative
and
regroup. It’s all about strategic planning!
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